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Date: Sun, 8 Oct 2000 18:27:42 -0700 (PDT)

 

 

 

To Fall from the Sky

By Hasan Hujairi

 

He told me that he had always loved the sea. “After my wife　and children, I love the sea,” he would say, with his eyes　gazing longingly through the smoke of his cigarette.

 

Or at least I think he was smoking. To me, his face was　formless, and yet, it took all the forms I had seen in my　lifetime. Yes, I know he was smoking because I recognized　the smell, my father’s cigarettes smelled the same way. I　was not sure whether he was smoking or not at my first look　at him because the color of the cigarette, its smoke, his　careless beard and bleached skin were nothing more than a　blizzard of ashen-white. The white pajamas he wore when　stirred with the light tumbling through the window behind　his head and in front of my eyes made him look even more　familiar. I listened.

 

“I was sitting up in my bed this morning, radiant behind my　mask of a young Adonis,　waiting for something to fall out　of the sky. Only three other of the boys were in the　room;　I don’t know where the other six went. Probably went home　for the weekend.　They all miss their children and their　children’s children and the heavenly singing of the　sea.　Hmmm… Beautiful goldfish, no, that’s not from the sea. I　remember. At any rate,　a lady and a little girl walked into　the room while I was sitting today, glanced around,　and　walked out. I wanted to ask them to come inside, but they　were already gone. They didn’t hear me call out to them. Do　you like Van Gough? I don’t. I just like the　painting of　the crab on its back. I’m sure he didn’t come up with the　idea. I know it he　didn’t.“

 

As he spoke, it seemed as though all his words came from　memories; memories shattered, or woven, by something or　someone unknown to neither of us. His　concentration was　broken by the clank of the nurse’s heels, the nurse in the　white　uniform who walked only in straight lines. She said,　“Insulin,” which was the only　word I ever thought she could　say. She was like a cuckoo clock, but cuckooed every　fifteen minutes instead of on the hour. “In a while,　lovely,” he said. He looked around　the room to see where　his mind had run off to hide. He coughed to grasp its　attention　and mumbled little curses to get his mind, which　was missing at the time, to come back.　Apparently, it　obeyed his command. I watched. I listened.

 

“I thought I heard once that nurses were warmth and care　personified. So, to test how　correct this assumption is, I　walked to the front desk late last night. The front desk　was where all the nurses flocked towards at the end of late　shifts, hoping that they　would give me some of the care and　warmth they have in excess. I don’t remember how　warmth and　care feels like, maybe I did, once upon a dream. I heard　someone talking　about some patient, I guess, who always　sang out old love songs in his sleep, but never spoke a　word while the golden sun is looking down at him. The poor　wretch. One of the nurses, who was sitting away from her　flock, saw me walking around the hallway and just huffed　out some words I couldn’t make out as she approached. I　never did understand the jargon of you kids. What are you　doing out of bed, you’re not supposed to be here. Go back　to sleep. I think she was waiting for the doctor who was　working that shift to come out of the operating room. Maybe　she was on a date with him that shift and every other late　shift. Ah, never mind, I should just do it the way I did it　last Saturday, when I walked around in a white sheet pulled　over my head. It was my turn to look at their tonsils that　night. You should’ve seen their faces. I think I scared　them all off. Sea orchids, did you ever touch one of those　before? I did. She was with me. Not the nurse, but the girl　I once knew. Yes, she was with me that day. What was her　name? I think it started with an ‘F’? An ‘N’? A ‘Z’? No,　that’s not it. She was young and beautiful, though. Aren’t you jealous? I married her that day. It was also the last day that I saw her. We went to a climb a tree in the evening just because it was the tallest tree we had ever seen. She asked me to lift her up on my shoulders so that she could reach the only branch with some strange fruit on its end. She was wearing a short, white skirt. I helped her up. Are you still jealous? I would be if I were telling this story to myself. Once she got up there, she wrapped her skirt tighter and asked me to climb up to her. She told me to be very careful because there was a nest with a featherless chick right next to the strange fruit. I just jumped onto the tree, like a squirrel would, and climbed onto that branch she was sitting on. Once I got up there, I noticed that we could see all the way to my house and also the pond that was under us. It looked really deep. We didn’t care; we spent most of our time talking about how big the sea was and the funny noises it makes every night. I was laughing so hard I started to lose my balance. As I was falling off the branch, and into the pond, I clutched her hand, pulling her down with me. We didn’t get hurt. We only laughed at how silly we felt in the pond. I remember the goldfish, swimming with us. I thought I heard one of them say my name. The next thing I knew was that she was running out of the water yelling that I could never talk to her until I catch a goldfish with my bare hands. It was never able to do that. Besides, by the time I was able to do that, I would have forgotten where she lived and what her name was.”

 

“Insulin! Insulin!”

 

“Alright, alright! There! Are you happy now? Hey, son, your glasses are foggy. Here, I know this trick that’ll clean them up for you… There you go!”

 

He slept instantly after he handed back my glasses. I put my notebook and tape recorder back into my briefcase and stood up. As I made my way to the door, the nurse said, “He says the same story to anyone who wants to listen, Doctor. We all know that he has always been here.   Crazy old man.”

 

At least she said something different for once.